This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

BB p. 66-67 ( copyright AAWS)

Dr. William D. Silkworth was the first to coin this description to illustrate the state of mind of the suffering alcoholic in his second letter to be included in the Big Book, ‘Alcoholics Anonymous.’  He wrote:

“Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.”

The program of recovery, consisting of 12 suggested steps, of A.A. promises to alleviate us from this agony.  A.A. promises us a new happiness and a new freedom, understanding the word serenity and showing us peace.

Yet, in every group of A.A. there are those who have achieved considerable sobriety but still remain equally restless, irritable and discontented as they were before, criticizing everything and anyone they come across and claiming to hold the only key to happiness.  What happened to them?  Why has recovery not been able to get a grip on them?

One common denominator is that they seem to have narrowed down their focus on a very small part of recovery, which is the first 164 pages of the Big Book.  They seem to have been able to put down the drink but have not given up the debating society.  They never fail to remind everyone of their length of sobriety, the number of service positions they have held in A.A. and have an uncontrolled urge to be heard yet never seem to be open enough to truly appreciate the experience of others.  The ego is front and center.  Rather than leaving the debating society, they have turned A.A. into their new debating society.

The Big Book teaches us to “constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day ‘Thy will be done.’  We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.”

The Big Book, the first 164 pages, the 12 steps as described and suggested are the key to open the door to renewed and happy lives.  Once the door is open we should have the courage to step through it and not merely stand in the doorway.  Just imagine that you were a cripple begging at the doorway of some temple and some guy calling himself an apostle performs a miracle and heals your handicap.  Would you just stay there and thank him or will you get up, walk, run, jump and follow him?  Would you rejoice for the next guy or would you beguile the fact the next miracle steals away your spotlight?

Our spotlight needs to be directed entirely on the Higher Power, as we understand Him, and not on us.  Our Great Fact is that we realize we know only a little and that God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.

“There are several ways to react to being lost. One is to panic. Another is to abandon yourself to lostness, to allow the fact that you’ve misplaced yourself to change the way you experience the world.”
― Audrey Niffenegger

It’s easy to turn our backs on the still suffering Alcoholic, most see us as weak or immoral. Truth be told, the alcoholic him/herself has little understanding as to why they cannot function as the so called normal’s.

We have tried doctors, psychiatrists and religion to relieve the perfect storm that continues to grow in our minds. Some have success with our learned professionals; others walk away with still no hope, only to continue their journey on the road to disaster and death.

It has been said that alcoholics are the modern day lepers, best to be avoided, but what about those who cannot or will not avoid us, the parents that love us, the children that have become innocent victims of the disease. The latter being the true heartbreak of this disease, most grow up with emotional problems and addictions of their own.

But there is Hope and that Hope is called Alcoholics Anonymous, where a new way of dealing with life on life’s terms is shown to us. The Big Book states, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path”.

Alcoholics Anonymous in not a building, it’s a design for living, given freely to us, if we are willing to give ourselves over to the program.

Anyone can put the bottle down for a day; a month; a year. As the Big Book states the bottle is but a symptom, the true nature of the disease lives in the mind of the alcoholic and therefore the cure must also start in the mind.

To those left with no hope, nowhere, or no one to turn to, the door of A.A. remains open to you, regardless of how low the disease of alcoholism has taken you.

Many of us in the program hope to meet you and have you join us in this new way of life.

As Bernard Smith ( an early friend of A.A.) so adequately stated: ” A.A. is not just for the man in the room, or the man still struggling in the dark, but for the baby born in the world of alcoholism.” May the hand of A.A. be there for you and also for that infant if need be.

After forty two years of sobriety in A.A. the infirmities and restrictions of age have settled in. Seeking and maintaining sobriety has been my life from the day my early sponsor told me bluntly, Put A.A. first in your life or get out. I have tried as faithfully as I could. No distance, weather or hour, no resentment or cost came before my A.A. activities. I have tried, imperfectly of course, to give a hundred and ten percent. And in return, sobriety and its inestimable benefits! But now, at seventy five the old fire and energy burn low. I would like to slide comfortably into my old age with my A.A. activities first as always, but these days I cannot always do so, for the twinges in the hinges command first attention. Thus I face this challenge: Can I stay sober with my physical activities curtailed?

To complicate matters I have unwittingly isolated myself from activities by relocating in a remote, rural area. A.A. is too distant to allow me, in my present physical condition, to get as involved as formerly. I have neglected to join a home group, nor do I get into Twelve Stepping, sponsorship, and service work any longer. I miss this and know that it contributed much to my sobriety and growth.

However, I am not entirely without defenses, for A.A. has taught me that I cannot take something out of my life (the bottle) unless I substitute something for it (A.A.). So if my physical activity is curtailed, what will replace it?

The obvious answer is spiritual activity. I was told A.A. is a spiritual Program when I entered. That didn’t mean much to me then but the endless wonders of recovery, coincidences that are miraculous, and the magic of love and compassion I have known convince me that the spiritual essence of our Program is even more powerful than I ever thought. It’s powerful enough to keep me sober under any conditions, provided I learn and use these spiritual tools.

I have made an effort to substitute spiritual effort for the physical effort I can no longer expend, specifically practicing Step Eleven. In addition I have begun examining our Big Book for evidence to support my quest for spiritual enlightenment. Without fail, as usual, I found hope and comfort in Bill’s words: We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. This fit my situation, for despite these years of sobriety I knew that I was as alcoholic as ever. I could not trust past sobriety to keep me sober in the future. Then I began to examine more closely than ever before what Bill meant by spiritual condition and realized that he defined it in the same passage: Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all our activities. How can I best serve Thee–Thy will (not mine) be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

Bill’s suggestions seem to confirm the viability of my intentions, for now more than ever I am dependent on God to keep me straight. I find here direction in my duty to God and to my fellow man, alcoholic or not. There are neighbors aplenty nearby who are shut-ins, or feeble, or isolated in some way, and while they may not be reaching for sobriety particularly, they welcome any help in their fight against loneliness and depression. It seems to me that to practice these principles in all our affairs is meant for situations like this.

And as I search the Program for more spiritual enlightenment I find it telling me precisely what I am looking for: Remind the prospect [me] that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God.

The Big Book reinforces this theme and at the same time reinforces my faith when it says, For we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying on God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

So with complete confidence in the spiritual power of our A.A. Program I go on, bolstered by what Carl Jung once said of spirituality: It is what supports us when we can no longer support ourselves–this is what gives an indestructible foundation for living.

Physically inactive though I may be, I have no doubts that the A.A. Program, so replete with the miracles and mysteries of recovery, will allow me continued sobriety as long as I keep my spiritual house in order.

AAGrapevine

copyright AAGrapevine

When the alcoholic is separated from alcohol  a door to the emptiness within can be opened.

Without it one loses a compass and a clock, a predetermined plan about where one is going and how life works. Remove it and there is a void, one quickly filled with anxiety. Known in AA as a dry drunk.

Recovery is a major life transition, the process can only happen one day at a time. The program of AA can teach us to live  one day at a time without the obsession to drink. All it takes is an open mind, and the willingness to follow the program of 12 steps.

Within the fellowship of AA, we are not alone, it provides a safe sober  haven, where we are among others just  like ourselves.

Follow the 12 steps, seek out a meeting, get a mentor to help you understand and follow the Big Book ( our manual to life  without alcohol).

As stated on page 58 of the BB: Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just to take the first step.”—Martin Luther King. Jr

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day © 1975 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But “acceptance” does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it… and I have to accept that fact.

Nor does it mean that I have to accept “unacceptable behavoir.” Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear “change” or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.

I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better — only watch as things always got progressively worse.

I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.

Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There’s a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.

That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity.